Author: Oreoluwa Oluwatayo
I have always been someone who likes planning everything to the last detail. I like to know that I’m prepared for, whatever may come or whatever may happen. I constantly get in fights with people who tell me to meet up at a certain time, but fail to keep to time. Reason being, I like orderliness and hate getting caught un-awares.
But alas, Life has stirred up the fear of the future in me. I usually plan my next day before bed, I plan what my future would be with a guy I am dating, I plan the type of job i will have in say 6months time, I plan for when I have kids, I plan to start a new business. Like I said, I always want order and everything planned no matter how little.
I had decided to plan towards a business, I registered the company, opened a bank account even when I had no clients or money, just because I wanted to be ready for when clients start flying in. A month passed, 2 months, after all my enslaving I had no clients, my bank account was dormant. Nothing and I mean nothing was forthcoming. I was devasted and said to myself “but I planned everything, why is this happening”. My plans for a future business were shattered!
As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had been dating this guy for 5years. I always imagined what our wedding would look like, I had planned our future together, EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. On on this fateful Thursday morning, I texted him as usual, the whole good morning text and lovey dovey morning messages. I noticed my whatsapp text weren’t delivering, I thought he was out of data and did not bother, until I got home in the evening and it was the same, not delivered. I then noticed that he had no profile picture and status. I laughed to myself and said “noo, he couldn’t have blocked me”. I went on a search frenzy and checked his IG and face book pages but couldn’t access either. I was dumbfounded, then I called him and it went straight to voicemail. I asked his friend when they last spoke, he said few days back. I called my “boo” for 3days straight and it was still voicemail. I was shattered, what could have happened?? This is my future husband!! I have planned our future, Why would he disappear on me?
Devasted, couldn’t begin to describe how I felt. Where do I begin to pick up the pieces, it all didn’t make sense. Why would my plans be altered?. Weeks passed and eventually after all my bugging, his friend gave in and
told me how had moved out of the country to start a new life and leave everything else behind. My first thought was “what kind of foolish-ness is that?!” he could not even say good-bye, What a coward!!. Months and months went by and i could barely heal. The im-prints of chronophobia was something I couldn’t deal with.
I still have the fear of the future. I fear planning for the future because my plans could get altered and that’s something that leaves me devasted. I have learnt to take Life as it comes. Chronophobia has left me with little enthusiasm of what the future may hold.
Chronophobia: Fear of the future or passing time
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