Chronophobia

Author: Oreoluwa Oluwatayo

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Source: quotesgram.com

Previous: Philophobia

I have always been someone who likes planning everything to the last detail. I like to know that I’m prepared for, whatever may come or whatever may happen. I constantly get in fights with people who tell me to meet up at a certain time, but fail to keep to time. Reason being, I like orderliness and hate getting caught un-awares.

But alas, Life has stirred up the fear of the future in me. I usually plan my next day before bed, I plan what my future would be with a guy I am dating, I plan the type of job i will have in say 6months time, I plan for when I have kids, I plan to start a new business. Like I said, I always want order and everything planned no matter how little.

I had decided to plan towards a business, I registered the company, opened a bank account even when I had no clients or money, just because I wanted to be ready for when clients start flying in. A month passed, 2 months, after all my enslaving I had no clients, my bank account was dormant. Nothing and I mean nothing was forthcoming. I was devasted and said to myself “but I planned everything, why is this happening”. My plans for a future business were shattered!

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had been dating this guy for 5years. I always imagined what our wedding would look like, I had planned our future together, EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. On on this fateful Thursday morning, I texted him as usual, the whole good morning text and lovey dovey morning messages. I noticed my whatsapp text weren’t delivering, I thought he was out of data and did not bother, until I got home in the evening and it was the same, not delivered. I then noticed that he had no profile picture and status. I laughed to myself and said “noo, he couldn’t have blocked me”. I went on a search frenzy and checked his IG and face book pages but couldn’t access either. I was dumbfounded, then I called him and it went straight to voicemail. I asked his friend when they last spoke, he said few days back. I called my “boo” for 3days straight and it was still voicemail. I was shattered, what could have happened?? This is my future husband!! I have planned our future, Why would he disappear on me?

Devasted, couldn’t begin to describe how I felt. Where do I begin to pick up the pieces, it all didn’t make sense. Why would my plans be altered?. Weeks passed and eventually after all my bugging, his friend gave in and
told me how had moved out of the country to start a new life and leave everything else behind. My first thought was “what kind of foolish-ness is that?!” he could not even say good-bye, What a coward!!. Months and months went by and i could barely heal. The im-prints of chronophobia was something I couldn’t deal with.

I still have the fear of the future. I fear planning for the future because my plans could get altered and that’s something that leaves me devasted. I have learnt to take Life as it comes. Chronophobia has left me with little enthusiasm of what the future may hold.

Chronophobia: Fear of the future or passing time

Don’t forget to send in your phobia experiences to kofo.toriola@yahoo.com or kofo.toriola.kt@gmail.com. Thank you😁

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Lost

The child in me reaches out to the child in you
Come out and play, the sand misses you

Where is she?
Whose smile conceals tears
And laughter priceless

Where is she?
Whose heart isn’t brick
A piece of candy does the trick

Where is she?
Time files
Then I realise
She has become a woman even before she became a child

5 Magic Words

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Source: longmire-co.com

We’re young,

PLEASE!!! let us be.
Teach us to love, grow and live.
Don’t condemn us, we need your encouragement.
Don’t groom us to just be fit for our spouses instead teach us to be respectable individuals.
Don’t tell us to sit up, cross our legs, use a fork and knife instead teach us to explore, be wild and be wise.

EXCUSE US,
we won’t always be on our best behaviours, we won’t always be smart.
we’ll cause trouble, make noise, fall, fail and rise up again.
Your job is too watch us, guide us lest we fall into temptation.

WE ARE SORRY
we’re young but not dumb.
Don’t tell us not to but teach us why not to. We won’t always get all the grades but we’ve not stopped trying .

THANK YOU
For letting us know we’re the leaders of tomorrow but we want to learn from the leaders of Today.

PARDON us for speaking our minds, we mean no disrespect.

Yes, We’re young,
Please, Excuse us, We’re sorry, Thank you and Pardon us.

HAPPY CHILDREN’S DAY

Proposal #2

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Source: http://www.pngimg.com

Previous Proposal #1

Many of you will recall my friend’s proposal. We’re a group of five friends. They always had crazy ideas of how they wanted their proposals to be. Bimpe was the first to get engaged and the rest of them (us) had our fingers crossed.

Honestly, I’m not one to be impressed easily so I never really joined in the proposal conversation. Even if they didn’t say it out loud, everyone concluded I was going to be the last of my friends to get married. As fate would I’ve it, I was next. I had no expectations, I am a firm believer of the saying, “expectation is the root of every disappointment”.

My fiance was fully aware that I’m very hard to please and was determined to go all out to really impress me. We are both lovers of music and Asa is top on my list.

The Proposal

I was super excited about Asa’s upcoming concert on May 1st and got us tickets. The day of the concert was just like any other day, there were no hints even my friends had no clue what was about to go down. While I was preparing for the concert my fiance was preping for the proposal, he had pressed some buttons here and there.

We finally arrived at the concert and he swapped the tickets I got being regular with VVIP. I must say I was quiet impressed. Our seats were in a choice area in the auditorium and we were given preferential treatment. We soon got lost in the fun and music. After Asa’s performance of ‘Be my man’. She ‘randomly’ selected my fiance to join her upstage as she had earlier announced that she was going to give someone in the audience the opportunity to be upstage with her. She handed the mic over to him and he sang his version of ‘Be my Man’ now ‘Be my Woman’. At this time all eyes were on me thanks to the lights and the fact that he didn’t take his eyes off me. The ushers came and led me upstage also. My heart was beating so fast because I didn’t know what do except, everything felt so unreal. After his cover of the song, he smiled at me and resang the lines,

‘Baby, there’s a lot of things I want to say, I’m in love with you, it’s driving me insane, I know I’m sounding stupid but is it okay to be my woman everyday’…

I was crying and laughing at the same time that I didn’t see when he brought out the ring to seal the proposal. I not only said yes because I was in love with him but because for the first time in forever I was and still am truly impressed.

I later learnt that he had gotten in contact with Asa weeks before on instagram to execute his plans.

Philophobia

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Source: thequotepedia.com

Previous Fragapane Phobia

‘Have you ever been in love, You could touch the moonlight. When your heart is shooting stars,You’re holding heaven in your arms’. After a long and stressful week at work I decided to settle for Celine Dion’s album to ease all the stressing while driving.

As I listened to the lyrics of the song, I cast my mind back to my undergrad days where I met my first and only love, Aderopo.

He was one of the most popular guys on campus while I was just a “Low-keyaite”. I had a crush on him the first day we met. We’re introduced by a mutual friend, my room mate. I confessed to her how I felt and she took it upon herself to  ensure we spoke. Ropo and I finally had our moment at our departmental dinner. My roommate introduced us again and made sure we had an actual conversation that night. He was in his final year then and I was just in my second year. We exchanged numbers and soon began to talk, initially from saying hi’s occasionally to endless hours on the phone until we became inseparable. Not too long after, we starting dating. He called me ‘bighead’, he told me it was only because he loved my big head. He said it made me look nerdy. I wasn’t sure I agreed with his theory but if it was coming from Ropo, it had to be right and I grew into accepting the name as my pet name.

My friends loved the idea of being referred to as “friends to the girl dating the most popular dude on campus” except Uche. She was very blunt and immediately kicked against the union. She told me she had heard his gists and they weren’t pleasant. She warned that he was only out to score one final goal with me before his graduation. I called her a badbelle, kill joy and a rumour monger. I even accused her of being jealous and asked her to mind her business.

Now looking back I wish I listened. My relationship with Ropo was parasitic, although, then in my naive state it was beautiful. It started on a bright note. He would choke me with tender loving care, buy me all sorts, show me off to his friends, my friends were green with envy. His friends even referred to me as ‘Iyawo wa’. Barely 3 months into the relationship he started asking for sex. I strongly kicked against it because I was from a good Christian home and decided to keep my virginity till my wedding night. I also felt if he was serious about us, he would wait. This kept a strain on our relationship. My friends informed me that he about his escapades with girls on campus. After I confronted him, he told me that if he wasn’t getting it from me, he might as well get it from other more free giving girls because, ‘ body no be firewood’. I remember crying all the way back to my hostel that night.

My room mate advised me to stop sulking and fight for man, whatever it takes. Even if it meant me losing my virginity to him. ‘Be wise babe, nothing is new under the sun’. I loved Ropo so much that if he literally told me to jump, I would without asking questions. I finally gave in to the pressure and had sex with Ropo. It was an unpleasant experience and I vowed it won’t repeat itself, but that was only the beginning. Sex became part and parcel of our relationship. Things were finally back to normal and Ropo decided it was time I stepped up my game. He introduced me to alcohol, partying, cocaine and the likes. He was my man, I loved him and would do anything for him even if it meant compromising my standards.

Few weeks to our exams I found out I was pregnant. I informed Ropo and he gave me the beating of my life. I was almost convinced that the motive behind the beating was to beat out the baby from my womb or why else would I have woken up in the hospital. I guess his plan worked. I lost the baby and the doctor told me I was lucky to be alive. I was in the hospital during the exams and automatically had an extra year.

During my stay in the hospital Ropo didn’t bother to visit or call me and when I called he shouted at me and said he needed to study for his final exams. After I was discharged I went over to his apartment to see him so we could talk things over. My friends warned against it and even agreed that I had been jazzed. I made excuses for him and said,’ maybe he was having a bad day when I broke the news to him’ or ‘maybe I was the one who offended him and he was only correcting me’, Maybe the exam pressure got to him’. I agree now that I was a fool, a fool in love or rather Lust. On getting to his apartment, I was greeted by another girl who introduced herself to me as Ropo’s girlfriend. I didn’t believe what I heard and wanted to hear from the horses mouth. She didn’t let me in.

The last I heard of Ropo was that he had graduated while there I was battling with an extra year and humiliation from friends and family. It’s been 7 years since the unfortunate incident. I’m in a great place now, I finished with a first class from the university, secured a great job and live in a beautiful apartment. There’ve been other guys after Ropo, some more handsome, richer and the likes but I could never bring myself to fall in love again. I was and still too heartbroken and my greatest defense is “love made me weak and vulnerable”. My friends have even accused me of suffering from philophobia, maybe they’re right. I dunno if I’ll ever get past it but I can only hope. For now my family and job are all that matter to me.

I didn’t realise i was far gone in thoughts until I bashed the vehicle in front of me. I heard someone say “Big head what were you thinking about”, Guess who!!!

Philophobia- Fear of being in love or falling in love

Hi guys!! Thank you for your continued interest in reading my blog. It’s well appreciated. I’ll be doing a ‘phobia’ series #Whatareyourfears. So basically feel free to share your fears (phobias) with me and I’ll publish it on my blog. It could be in form of a story, Fiction and Non-fiction, poems, write ups etc. Whatever your style is, i’ve got you covered. You can send an email to kofo.toriola@yahoo.com or kofo.toriola.kt@gmail.com. You can view the stories in the series on my blog kofoworolatoriola.wordpress.com

 

Destiny Helper

There’s this popular slang among young Ladies these days, ‘Destiny Helper’.

One day i was gisting with my friends and I heard them refer to someone as a destiny helper. Being a christian I thought it was the destiny helper we’re encouraged to pray for in church and I was like “God please let my destiny helper locate me ooo”. One of them called me a JJC and went further to explain what she meant.

So from her explanation that day I understood that there are different categories of destiny helpers:

1. Alhaji or Mugu Maga

They are the president of destiny helper’s club. They’re also popularly called ‘sugar daddies’ and they live up to their destiny helper status. Under grad babes, few working class babes and even some married women , yes they’re bad like that, are the beneficiaries of their benevolence. There very generous with trips to Dubai, IPhones, cars, boutiques, rented apartments in Lekki, birthday bash to mention a few.

2. Working class

This ones are majorly the working class guys looking for wives. They share similar characteristics with the Alhaji’s except that they are younger than them but are overripe for marriage. They’re equally well to do but are not as free giving. Notwithstanding, there are babes that they can break their banks for. When they come visiting they usually remember to buy for the babe and her friends. The good thing about them is that you can have them in different states in the country and also in different countries. They help with Brazilian hair, Black up and MAC, regular skin and teeth whitening, weekend paroles and occasional trips to mention a few.

3. Lover boy

This next set na them I pity pass. They’re the lover boys plus destiny helpers. They are the go to for food and petty cash, they help with BIS also. Their parents have connections and they’re very generous with their parents money. They don’t get angry and when the babe offends them, they do the begging. Many of them don’t mind being shared with the hope that one day the babe would notice them and settle for them eventually.

4. Church Boy

This ones are my holy brothers. They mix Christianity with being lover boys. Sadly they always fall for the “bad girls”. Initially they’re always too timid to approach the girl but once she gives them small face, they wont back off. The plus of having one of them is that you’re sure someone is covering for you spiritually. They are usually nerdy so they help out with tutorials, a copy of the handouts, assignments even project. You can’t almost go wrong with one of these.

Mind you I only came from the male angle. There are also female destiny helpers. So next time you’re praying for a destiny helper, watch out someone might be praying for you also. Lol

Traffic Lights

Hi guys kindly visit http://www.realteenagegirlsnetwork.wordpress.com and encourage others to do same. Future generations are being shaped there. Thanks.

Real Teen Girls Network

Everytime I see a traffic light I remember my nursery school rhyme

image

“Traffic light traffic light, we must obey the traffic light, red says stop, yellow says get ready and green says go”

Ordinarily disobeying the traffic light may either mean having a date with LASTMA or in worse case scenarios death, we all know how that plays out.

A lot of us have died a thousand times  because we have failed to recognise the red, yellow and green phases of life. Thankfully some of us survived but more often than not the casualties are countless, from leaving scars that last for a life time in mild cases to loss of lives in more serious situations.

Often times we go through life without regard for its rules. We’ve been led astray by the  phrase ‘YOLO: You Only Live Once’. And this has given many of us the licence to do…

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